Burning Letter
by M. Poe
Summary: When you told me that you could never be in love, I believed you... but I was a fool to, and I’m sorry." Enjoy this letter from Lily as Remus never had the opportunity to.


_Of course, none of the characters belong to me, but to J.K. Rowling. The song belongs to Iron and Wine. The idea belongs to M. Poe._

_The following is a short idea that came to me late one night. This quaint thought came through listening to an Iron and Wine song (mentioned below), thinking of a larger Lily and Remus story (currently in production), and an utter lack of sleep (leading to the writing style of the letter). Some part of me refused to cut this unusable, choppy letter from my longer fan-fiction. Thus, I altered it a bit and wrote an ending for it. I'm sure we're all aware of the events that took place on Halloween, 1981? Enjoy this letter as Remus Lupin never could. I appreciate constructive criticism. –M. Poe_

"Please, remember me on Halloween,  
making fools of all the neighbors.  
Our faces painted white, by midnight  
we'd forgotten one another,  
and when the morning came-  
I was ashamed.  
Only now it seems so silly.  
That season left the world,  
and then returned."

"The Trapeze Swinger", by Iron and Wine

A Burning Letter  
_By Margot Poe_

To Remy,

I remember the first time that I saw you. The funny part is, I had no idea who you were. In fact, I wouldn't meet you for weeks afterwards. But I remember seeing you then, in Diagon Alley. There is probably some sort of psychological explanation for why that memory lingers in my mind, but I can't think of one tonight.

You were eleven. You were a quiet, rustic looking boy. I was eleven and my heart quietly raced with the thought that I may be in a class with you my first year.

We always got along well, you know. There are some relationships that exist in life that are so _easy_. We always fit together so easily. That's why we are such friends.

What I'm trying to say is--- I remember the night at the Halloween dance our seventh year. I remember how it was the most beautiful day that autumn, and the leaves were lingering on the trees. I remember how you always looked the best in that season, with your sandy hair and your yellowy eyes. I always thought of that season as _your_ season, because you simply glowed with the soft orange sun of autumn.

That night I considered a different future for myself, Remy. It was the night when James and Sirius had taken advantage of the school function to take an out of castle excursion. As if they thought that nobody would miss them in the crowd. But that is a different story.

I am writing about the evening we spent among the jack-o-lanterns, and how their lights made funny shadows dance around our faces. You were laughing, probably about our silly charms teacher and the antics he had performed that day. I remember your laughter because I always treasured your face in such a happy contortion. You, serious and mature Remy. But your laugh and your smile could always brighten my day.

I see this memory in your eyes each time that we look at each other. I see it when you look at James and when you hold Harry. Remus, please don't think that you are guilty of anything.

That night, the stars were beautiful. Do you remember them? You must. The new moon gave the lights space to shine, gave you time to breathe. The clouds were chased away by our merrymaking and those stars shone for us. You were pointing out constellations, but I was simply gazing at you. At the rough contours of your face. At the blonde stubble that traced its way along your chin and your cheeks. You are so _nice_, Remy.

This was why I kissed you.

I can only wonder why you kissed me back.

But then, you looked at me. That look, Remy….I don't think you can imagine how it used to haunt my hours. Each time I see you- even now, you have to realize that I am picturing your features stretched into that same expression. You did not look at me with astonishment or anger or even excitement. You looked at me with the sense of _pain._ I was so selfish, Remy. I did not know that you loved me back. I was only risking a small moment in time to try something that had been resting in the back of my mind for so long. But that moment stretched into days and months and years and the rest of our lives together.

James doesn't know. You must know that I never told him about that night. I could never bring myself to tell him of the conversation that we had after our kiss. I hope that this soothes your mind. When you told me that you could never be in love, I believed you.

But I was a fool to, and I'm sorry.

And now, things are happy for me. And Remus- I'm so very sorry. You know that I love James and that my son is my world.

I just want you to know that I believe you can be loved, because I loved you. For a very long time.

I just wanted the words that lie unsaid to finally be put down and made concrete.

Forever,

Lily E.

Lily set down her quill and shoved a delicate hand through her mess of curls. Her brows pinched together as Lily read over her letter. Her mind raced faster than her eyes could follow the words. She felt dissatisfied with the choppiness of her writing, with its strange jumps in tones and with its blatant language. It wasn't poetic, she thought. It was a string of memories that she thought of each time she saw her husband's friend. Quietly, she slid the two pieces of parchment together and rolled them up.

Tip toeing down her staircase, she glanced outside through the circular staircase window. What she saw made her pause and clutch the letter tighter inside her hands. The large tree near her house shuddered in the wind, dropping its last, lingering leaves. A harvest moon floated on the horizon, its orange reflection making the jack-o-lanterns across the street look unreal. Forcing thoughts out of her head, Lily walked to the kitchen, strangely empty of their two owls. Lily and James had sent their feathered friends out to deliver Halloween goodies to their closest acquaintances, a dangerous deed in dangerous times, yet the necessary kind of hopeful thing that helps people get through the seasons. She quickly grabbed a pen from a nearby drawer and scribbled "_R. Lupin"_ on her scrolled letter. Without thinking much more, Lily dropped the letter into her outgoing mail box. Her owl should return the day after Halloween, and then it would be done.

Once upstairs, Lily checked on her son before bed. She ran a hand through his dark hair and kissed him on the forehead. One year old already, how could he be growing up so quickfly?

Lily then crawled into bed next to her husband. She curled up against James, yet couldn't sleep.

Later Lily would lie on her back, her wide green eyes wet but without emotion.

She only had one request, which she muttered silently to a far away Remus:

"Please, remember me on Halloween."

x.x.x.x

_Gracious praises and thanks to Bad Mum for pointing out an error!_


End file.
